Our gayest post yet: Male Figure Skating

Most major news sources include a section on sports, so we clearly decided to bring the world of physical competition into the mix. Logical, right?

One fun fact most people don't know about us is that we love male figure skating; it really has a place in our hearts. Now, we don't feel this way because we appreciate their talent or artistry. Hardly. Male figure skating is, hands down, the most gloriously ridiculous "sport" ever invented. Even coming from a gay man and a girl that has an army of gays, its just too gay for us to handle (the fact that certain contestants pretend to be straight as a board might just be what throws the gayness over the line). This intense love started when Jordan didn't have cable and male figure skating was the best option for entertainment. Lauren particularly loved receiving texts from Jordan at 9 in the morning on Sundays (so she was, more often then not, hungover) about how insane it was. Lauren, whose mother was an avid figure-skating watcher, had been in love with the bedazzled travesty that is male figure skating for as long as she can remember. And no, her mother did not necessarily appreciate her snarky comments, even at age 7. You can imagine her thrill upon finding out Jordan was tuned into the sport as well.

That said, we personally feel that more sports should try to be more like male figure skating. Imagine how great football would be when, say, combined with sequins. It would be that much harder to intimidate your opponents. What about only counting touchdowns when combined with a lift? Now we're getting fancy. It would certaintly widen their audience. We know that in football you can be penalized for "excessive celebration" or some bullshit like that. WE THINK THIS IS BULLSHIT. We always spend more time celebrating than it takes to get to the point of actually having a reason to celebrate. Celebrating should be an ART FORM. Let the celebration continue as long as it needs to BUT award points for the celebration. Choreography would make football MUCH more appealing. Also, imagine how amazing it would be if each play was judged for style on a scale of 1 to 10 by a panel of middleaged women, gay men and metrosexuals? This may sound like the gayest post ever written but, really, think about it. Even if you love football, you KNOW this would make it a little better.