Thursday, March 17, 2011

Why You Need A Gay Friend

Many men underestimate the value of having a gay friend. They can be a valuable addition to your group of friends. Gay guys not only know how to think like men but can also give you important insight into a woman's mind. Gays are an all but untapped resource when it comes to "The Wingman." They are more effective than the obsolete straight guy version and definitely now how to keep the party alive.

One thing we all see far too often is straight men that think all fags want them. Besides the fact that most of these guys are fucking ugly, it's generally not true. Don't get me wrong, lots of gay men want straight men. Have you ever wanted a lesbian? We are also not animals (no more than most men) and can generally control ourselves. Just try not to be too hot and don't flirt with us, we get confused easily. Imagine a hot chick that flirted with you constantly because she knows you want her. She does this (as do many a straight guy) to boost her own self esteem. Whenever you make a move though, she strongly reiterates that she just wants to be friends. Thats bitchy and YES, straight guys (dudes, or bros even) can be bitchy as well.

With the likes of Fred Phelps (and all republicans*) in the media constantly, homophobia is a real problem. With nothing scientific or factual to back me up, I'm making the assumption that it's the number one reason that straight guys don't have a queer friend. "I'm not a homophobe," you insist, "I just don't have anything in common with them." Well my friend, you are a homophobe. Sorry about the name calling but don't make the assumption that all gay men want to wear glitter and talk about butt sex. I find both of these to be incredibly disgusting, at least in public. Ultimately, I think most guys are scared off by gay boys because they know how little self control they have themselves. Give yourself a little more credit.

*yes, this is includes log cabin republicans

Look at the positives there are to having a gay friend. Gay men are notorious for having hot female friends. It's clear that we know what makes a girl hot, we just aren't into it ourselves. Don't think for one second that being associated with a queer will make you seem more queer. It actually just makes you MORE attractive to girls. You are understanding and open minded. She won't even have to worry about bringing her gay friend around you**.

**Be extremely CAUTIOUS when introducing two gays to one another. Just like when introducing dogs, it's best to allow them to meet in neutral terrority and keep them under control (no hard liquor or cocaine beforehand)

Many men have discovered the beauty of going to gay clubs to get laid. The women there are hot and have their guard down because they don't think anyone is going to hit on them. Obviously, they're wrong. You can totally be that guy. This is an especially easy move to make if both of your respective fags are shirtless and grinding on the dancefloor. Think of it like two stay at home moms whose children have befriended each other on the playground.

There are really too many benefits to having a gay friend to name. Just be careful when selecting your new friend as they can be slightly hard to shake. Make sure you stop saying "that's so gay" before you begin your search. Last but not least, it's okay for gays to scream things like "fucking faggot" when we have road rage but it will NEVER be okay for you to say. (It's our "N word")


  1. As a female who also likes other females (and males... I'm pretty much just one of those 'I'm attracted to whomever I'm attracted to...' types.) I have the same problem. When women (usually of the very conservative variety) find out that I like women, they assume that I like them. This is NOT the case 99% of the time. I also have standards, damnit.

  2. Do you also find that its the ugliest bitches that think you want in pants?