Tuesday, March 15, 2011

How to Be: Fierce as Fuck

I'm sure we've all heard the saying "happiness isn't having what you want, its wanting what you have." The same goes with being fierce. Being fierce doesn't entail winning a Grammy like Beyonce, designing for Posh Spice like Christian Siriano or having two TV shows like Tyra. Take it from someone who drives a baby blue Buick from the early 90's. This car's blinkers don't blink, the driver side door doesn't open and there is no way to play music in it short of listening to your ipod but I've earned the nickname "Sire Fierce." Ferocity (as I like to call it) comes from knowing how fuckin' fierce you actually are. It comes from the way you roll your eyes or sharply exhale when annoyed. It comes from always looking like you are walking down a goddamn runway without even trying. It comes from always having the bitchy retort to any comment. Being fierce isn't for everyone but don't think you need to drive a G Wagon to be fierce. It can't be bought but it can be learned. People who are fierce statistically (okay, this is made up) get jobs over people who aren't fierce, make more money and get arrested less. So it's pretty important to be fierce. This is especially true since, you can be broke, homeless and 95 years old but if you are playing your cards right, people will still want to be you. So tomorrow, wake up in the morning feeling like Beyonce and go make shit happen.

*It has been brought to my attention that Fierce people do not get arrested less, they actually get arrested more. Never fear though, fierce people generally get their charges dropped.

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