Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Train Olympwrecks: The Morning After

Another new regular feature coming to Logic According to Us is the "Train Olympwrecks." In each post, we feature a new event, ripe for competition. We encourage you to compete and post your times. Thanks to factors like tolerance, altitude, willingness to blackout and accidental practice experiments in these events, it really is anyone's game. Please note that all contestants are on the honor system as far as their drug and alcohol use. In the opposite tradition from most popular sports, drug use is not only encouraged, it's required.

Facebook doesn't like this photo. Fuck you, Zuckerberg.


Before the event:
1. In order to compete in this event, your date/someone hot you met at the bar MUST get you sloppy drunk/drugged. If you are a more independent competitor, it is your responsibility to drink far too much. The recreational drugs you do or do not chose to include is at your own discretion. Choose wisely.
2. You MUST go home with someone (whos name you should not know), otherwise you are automatically disqualified. You must reach the point of sloppy, hot mess drunk before you leave to your stranger's home. (*NOTICE* you are not allowed to bring said person to YOUR PLACE!) Once you are in their bedroom, fling all your clothing and belongings all over their home when you get there and then pass out. Keep in mind you do not have to sleep with this person (though it is both endorsed and encouraged) but you do have to wake up naked somehow physically entangled with this person (i.e. your arm under the other person, them spooning you, etc). It is a CRUCIAL REQUIREMENT that you NOT WAKE THIS PERSON ONCE YOU BEGIN THE COMPETITION!

The Event Begins:
The moment your eyes flutter open, the clock starts.

1. You must untangle yourself from your stranger and swiftly get out of their bed without waking them.
2. You must find your shoes, socks, underwear, pants, shirt, keys, wallet, purse, phone and any other miscellaneous items you may have like an ipod or a scarf.

Once you're out the door, the clock stops.

BONUS POINTS are awarded for walking out the door wearing every item of your clothing correctly. (Read: it is possible for you to throw your underwear, socks and bra in your purse or just carry whatever shit you don't immediately need to avoid a public indecency ticket on your way home.)
BONUS POINTS are also awarded if you wake up drunk still and complete the tasks correctly.

-You wake any residents of the home, including your stranger and any of their potential roommates/spouse/kids etc.
-You leave anything behind. The more valuable/personal the item, the greater the deduction. (This is NOT the time to try and pull the "Classic Leave-Behind")

Good luck and use a condom! Seriously, we encourage you to post your times, just be safe.


  1. it's true. it may have even been 1:29

  2. I would have a best time had I not mastered the art of "never driving anywhere."